what the weekend gave me.
I got to spend a lot of cuddle time with Eric.
(Ahhh, drool drool, i know)
I really enjoyed the live shows I saw (Homespun, Sarah Jaffe, Doug Burr), not to mention our taping on the Gordon Keith Show. what a little trip.
made fried pickles and making a mess.
seeing Cindy Chaffin again really made me happy. I could listen to her talk for hours. Truly one of my favorite people to be with. It's not often I see her, but i usually get a little warm and fuzzy when i do:)
I just really love cold, I hope for more.
Monday, January 21, 2008
easily amused.
watching my dad cry laughing while instant messaging his grandson on yahoo. quite the event.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
those embarassing moments
i cried for two hours and finally my eyes started to dry heave. There are no more tears left. It's hard to open my lids. This is humiliating for me. Being so vulnerable, and incapable of controlling my words, my heart and at times my life.
I came to the conclusion that i need therapy, actually meditation is more like it.... But what i mostly need is some faith. I forgot how secure I felt believing in god during my "christian" days. It's a nice feeling to hold a being higher than yourself responsible for the world, those around you and unpredictable things like my menstural cycle.
I'd like to devote some time believing in something bigger than me.
I need a hand. you see, I've fallen .
I'm to busy trying to track down the exact moment i lost myself, rather than figure out how to move forward. I'm also to busy making the disclaimer, " i know my life is good, and i have nothing to really be sad about". Then I quickly burst into crying and sobbing out my intestines along with every negative comment i can muster. It's wrong. I'm missing the point. I'm verbally sinking lower, and it's amazing how easy it is to skip the good and spill out the bad. Why, instead of trampling over the "life is good, i have nothing to be sad" part don't I then count the ways that life is good, before snot dripping tear streaming screams of why I'm so freaking sad. Why don't i retell myself all the good things that I have in my life, remind myself of all the great things that I have, all the gifts I'm blessed with, you know the ones that make it hard to believe i could be depressed? Then i bet it would be more tiring to be sad, and I could open my eyes better.
I know I have a light, it's well hidden. When I smile and mean it, you will know.
I came to the conclusion that i need therapy, actually meditation is more like it.... But what i mostly need is some faith. I forgot how secure I felt believing in god during my "christian" days. It's a nice feeling to hold a being higher than yourself responsible for the world, those around you and unpredictable things like my menstural cycle.
I'd like to devote some time believing in something bigger than me.
I need a hand. you see, I've fallen .
I'm to busy trying to track down the exact moment i lost myself, rather than figure out how to move forward. I'm also to busy making the disclaimer, " i know my life is good, and i have nothing to really be sad about". Then I quickly burst into crying and sobbing out my intestines along with every negative comment i can muster. It's wrong. I'm missing the point. I'm verbally sinking lower, and it's amazing how easy it is to skip the good and spill out the bad. Why, instead of trampling over the "life is good, i have nothing to be sad" part don't I then count the ways that life is good, before snot dripping tear streaming screams of why I'm so freaking sad. Why don't i retell myself all the good things that I have in my life, remind myself of all the great things that I have, all the gifts I'm blessed with, you know the ones that make it hard to believe i could be depressed? Then i bet it would be more tiring to be sad, and I could open my eyes better.
I know I have a light, it's well hidden. When I smile and mean it, you will know.
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