the worst feeling ....

in the world is knowing others believe in you more than you do.

Cafe

fishing for comets would be killer mood music in a coffee shop. I'm lounging on a sofa and doing some assignments, and beth orton's singing in my ears.
I'm people watching and that's always tough.
i see the cutest old couple. My god they are adorable, walking in hand in hand. They grab a seat at a table just in front of me. I can't get over the peaceful routine this is for them. I know they are content, but they say nothing to each other really. i wonder if they are retired, how long they have been married. It kills me to think how it must be adjusting in this fast moving environment, everyone is "go go go" and they just move slow and steady. I also think it's weird hearing modest mouse blaring in the background and they have no clue who that is, or why kids these days pierce and paint all over there bodies. I wonder if they feel like the world is moving past them, or if they are just watching all these crazy changes and giggle in side.
I'm scared to be them. I'm afraid of getting old, but know it will happen and just hope i'll have someone to do it with. so we can just sit, be slow, and laugh at all the people speeding past us.

4-28-08

I heard little kids playing out in the snow, through my window they were the three little girls I nannied when i was younger. there age had frozen. I walked them back home and slushed around the ice in my sandals.
i took you to an asian market where they have cotton candy flowers. I really wanted you to try them.

cowabunga!

I crushed a turtle today. It's not like I meant to you know. He was heading for my car as I was driving 30 and I thought i'd squirve right past him. Instead I felt the horror of my back tire kaplumping away an innocent ninja. I feel for it, I tried to return to the scene on my way home, ( to give it a proper burial of course) but no sign of him/her or the remains.

This also made me think about the aesop fable "tortoise and the hare". I really believed that being green and having slow crazy legs could get you somewhere. Where did it get good ole "jr" today? Is there any truth to this slow and steady wins the race?
I'm beliving that I'm becoming a non believer.

yeah, i have it good...

i'm a lucky son of a bitch.
This week was filled with love and yums. My birthday was fabulous and started out with the good day show- watching cas and woodbelly followed with a birthday sign on tv and a shout out! could not believe it!
Eric's to good i swear. ... that's cute boyfriend stuff right there. He also got me a wriststrong bracelet that i've lost as of now. very sad, but i can't lose his other gift. www.camillecortinas.com ! who knows what will become of that.
my family took me out to dinner. we never do that. i got tons of messages and phone calls, and i felt so loved. it's sweet to be comforted when your turning a year older.
thank you all.

thems are back....

a hard rain's gonna fall. It did, it is.

I love it, but hate raining frogs. It's always around this time of year, the rain comings pouring down and the frogs are in abundance bouncing from one side of the street to where ever. What do frogs do anyways? Who knows, but when I see them they confuse the hell out of me. I don't want to hurt them, it sickens me to think about frog leg leftover on my tires, but it's really stupid when you come darting out of the wild just as I'm turning the street. I think it's wise to look both ways.

I'm sad right now. Maybe because it's 3am and I really want to be tired... or maybe it's because I feel I'm a pathetic writer just boring myself.

my birthday is near, and that gets me all rowdy. I'm turning 27! looking at this picture from 2 years ago throws me back to a totally different place in my life.I loved the age 25. new numbers make me feel indifferent.

It seems that most of the changes since then have been internal, I've become a better me, i threw out all the bull shit, the games, and have become a more honest person to myself and the people around me. I'm proud of the little accomplishments, however get easily discouraged at the "lack of" progress I feel i should be making. I have no real idea my destination, but I'm in such a hurry to just move,... but then that seems worthless since i don't know there I'm going, so i stall, and then complain that I'm stagnant. Or maybe I am moving, and growing but it's in ways that I can't see just now, and I should be patient. But all in all i just get disappointed with myself, because I know my capabilities and feel i should be more driven. Once again I just don't know where to invest my energy and my capabilities. If someone would just draw me a map. Maybe my older self can give me a hand on this one. I'll be waiting. .

this just in:

the older self at 3:33 am just informed me that it's to fucking late to be having solo battles, and i think to much and that's what's wrong. get over it.

It's pretty amazing. I feel amazing.

So I'm weighing (depending on the day) 5-8 pounds less. This is all due to my diet/body bugg fascination. This week will be my 5th with this device strapped to my arm. I love love love it. I'm my own science project, and sometimes it drives me nuts having to enter in every bite of food i ingest. But i know it's worth it.

In other news, fishing for comets had there first show at Sue Ellen's this weekend, and WOW! The best crowd ever, I want to live there. and dance and sleep